THEGUILD SEASON 3 EPISODE 5 – THE GUILD – TEMPORADA 3 EPISÓDIO 5

CODEX: STUPID ASSES OF ANARCHY – TAKING ADVANTAGE OUTSIDE THE GAME LIKE THAT? WHAT A SKINKY REALITY SHOW MOVE…
FINE! TINK IS MOVING ON, THE KNIGHTS OF GOOD ARE MOVING ON. I JUST POSTED A CALL FOR VIDEO SUBMISSIONS FOR NEW GUILD MEMBERS ON THE OFFICIAL FORUMS. I KNOW THERE ARE PLENTY OF PEOPLE JUST WAITING TO… (READS FROM A MANUAL

CALLED GUILD LEADERSHIP) ALIGN THEIR GUILD ASPIRATIONS AND PLAYSTYLES WITH OUR OWN UNIQUE NEEDS. I CANT WAIT TO BE THE ONE PICKING SOMEONE RATHER THAN SOMEONE PICKING ME. THIS WAY THERE’S NO WAY I CAN BE REJECTED! HEHE! I’M AN EGO HALF-EMPTY KIND OF GIRL…

LORD BOLIO: HELLO CODEX, I AM LORD BOLIO, AND THIS IS MY FORMAL APPLICATION TO TAKE PART OF YOUR GUILLLLD.(CREEPY SMILE)
COSPLAYER DRESSED AS MAGE: I SAW YOUR GUILD INVITATION… VEEEERY INTERESTING!
GIRL: MY NAME IS DUMANDGUM AND I’M DEEGEE… AND I’M LOOKING TO EXPAND MY HORIZONS WITH A NEW GUILD
STRÿDËR: MY NAME IS STRYDER – (SPELLING) – S-T-R-UMLAUT-Y-D UMLAUT E CAPITAL R.
TWINS: #1 – HELLO, WE’RE TWINS; #2- WE’RE NOT NOOBS…
GUY: I’M A FANTASTIC TEAM PLAYER, (IN A MORE AGGRESSIVE VOICE)YOU KNOW, I HAVE A MUST FOR BLOOD!
MUTE DWARF
LORD BOLIO: QUESTING IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS…
GUY#2: IM A WIZARD!
LORD BOLIO: I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING, AND SAY: WHERE AM I GOING TO QUEST TODAY?
BLONDE GUY: I WOULD KILL TO BE PART OF YOUR GUILD… LITERALLY!
LORD BOLIO: MY RL JOB IS TEACHING HIGH SCHOOL TRIGONOMETRY. BO-RING!
GUY#3: (SCREECHY VOICE)ARE YOU READY TO RIIIIIDE!
MUTE DWARF AGAIN
GUY#3: I SAID: ARE YOU READY TO RIIIIIDE!
GUY#2: I FOR ONE AM NOT A VIOLENT PERSON… I AM! [HE PROBABLY HAS A SPLIT PERSONALITY]
TWINS: AHHH!
WIZARD CONCENTRATES ON HIS WAND AND IS APPARENTLY TRYING TO CAST A SPELL
LORD BOLIO: ALL RIGHT THIS IS LORD BOLIO, SIGNING OFF SEE YOU SOON
GUY#2: PLEASE, (AGGRESSIVE) TAKE US! AHAHAHAH!
BLADEZZ:YEAH THAT WAS A BUFFET OF HUMANITY I WISH I’LL NEVER HAVE TO SAMPLE!
CODEX: AW, COME ON, A FEW OF THOSE APPLICATIONS LOOK… OKAY…
VORK: THE ONLY OPINION I WILL VOICE IS THAT I WOULDNT TRUST ANY OF THEM WITH A GUN IN THE EVENT OF A DOMESTIC

INSURGENCE.
CODEX: THAT’S YOUR MEASURE OF A GUILD MEMBER? REALLY?
VORK: YOU BARELY PASSED.
CLARA: WHATS WRONG WITH THE GUY WHO TALKED POETRY? IS HE A SENATOR OR SOMETHING?
CODEX: ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE HAS TO DO! WE CAN’T EXPERIENCE THE NEW EXPANSION CONTENT WITHOUT A FULL PARTY! I WANNA

PLAY!
CLARA: (WHISPERING) MEEEE TOOOO!
BLADEZZ: CREEEPY WHISPER!
CLARA: I’M IN THE CLOSET HIDING FROM MY HUSBAND BECAUSE WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE SPENDING TIME TOGETHER, BUT I DON’T

KNOW HOW TO INTERACT WITH HIM WITHOUT A SCREEN INVOLVED! LET’S JUST FIND TINK AND GAME!
CODEX: IT’S NOT GONNA HAPPEN, SHE’S NOT COMING BACK. MOVING ON!
VORK: I DON’T MEAN TO CRITICIZE…
CODEX: THEN DON’T!IF YOU ARE NOT TAKING BACK GUILD LEADER, THEN DON’T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.(SILENCE. VORK AND

CLARA LOOK STUNNED) SAY SOMETHING SO I CAN FURTHER YOU TAKING BACK THIS JOB NOW… PLEASE!
VORK: NO! BECAUSE I’M ABOUT TO LOG OFF, I CAN’T CONDUCT MY INTERNET BUSINESS COMFORTABLY WHEN I’M USING A WI-FI

ACCESS POINT NAMED SCUZZBUCKETLICKMYPONYBUTT!
BLADEZZ: SCUZZBUCKETLICKMYPONYBUTT?THAT’S THE FIRST TIME I’VE LAUGHED ALL DAY!
(DENA COMES TO BLADEZZ’S COMPUTER WITH HIS FACE ON A STICK)
BLADEZZ: DENA! DENA! DARN, I HATE YOU!
ZABOO: HEY EX-GIRLFREND! I NEED SOME QUICK ADVICE! WHEN YOU ARE USING HANDCUFFS WHILE FOOLING AROUND, RIGHT,

YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LEAVE THE PERSON TIED UP ALL NIGHT OUTSIDE, PRETTY SURE THAT’S NOT A COOL SEX SKIT…
CODEX: OTHER THAN IN SOME RACY VAMPIRE LITERATURE I READ, NO…
ZABOO: GOOD. OK.
CODEX: ZABOO, IF RILEY IS MAKING YOU DO THINGS THAT MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE…
ZABOO: NO,NO, I MEAN, SHE’S SO PRETTY, AND SHE MAKES MY GENITALS FEEL REALLY WARM… AND NICE… WHILE THE REST

OF MY BODY SCREAMS IN ABSOLUTE PAIN…AH! CONUNDRUM!
CODEX: DEFINITELY TMI! [THAT IS,TOO MUCH INFO - TO THE COMPUTER] WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, GUYS, WE HAVE TO FIND

ANOTHER PLAYER!I’M WILLING TO TAKE ANYONE AT THIS POINT.
CLARA: O MY GOD, I JUST GOT THE BESTEST IDEA! I’LL BE RIGHT BACK!
CODEX: ANYONE WITHIN REASON! NOT THAT LORD BOLIO GUY! YOU’RE RIGHT, FOPS ARE CREEPY
ZABOO: TOATS!
CLARA: HEY GUYS, MEET YOUR NEW GUILD MATE!
GEORGE: YOU… WANT ME TO… GAME WITH YOU?
CLARA: YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO DO MORE STUFF TOGETHER…
GEORGE:YEAH, WAS ACTUALLY THINKING, Y’KNOW, SALSA DANCING, OR COUPLES THERAPY…
CLARA:NO, NO…THIS IS MY HUSBAND GEORGE, MY HIS AVATAR GONNA BE MR WIGGLY!
GEORGE: CLARA!
CLARA:OH THEY WON’T KNOW THAT’S MY NAME FOR IT!HOLD ON ON THE MIC LIKE THAT. PLEASE!
GEORGE: HI! CLARA HAS TOLD ME NOTHING ABOUT YOU, BUT I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO DOING WHATEVER IT IS YOU DO TOGETHER.
ZABOO: UH, HOW MUCH EXPERIENCE DO YOU HAVE GAMING THERE, WIGGLY?
GEORGE:UH, I PLAYED PONG AS A KID! THIS IS IN COLOR, I SEE…
BLADEZZ: WHAT’S PONG?
CODEX: THANKS, WIGGLY, BUT WE DEFINITELY NEED SOMEONE WAY MORE SAVVY.
RILEY: I LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR ONE SECOND, AND YOU RUN AWAY FROM THE STABLE? BAD HORSE!
ZABOO: SWEETIE I CAN EX… UH, SORRY, SORRY! (SHE PUSHES HIM BACK AND BOTH FALL ON CODEX’S BED) I CAME OVER TO

HELP CODEX WITH SOME GUILD BUSINESS, YOU KNOW…
RILEY: WHAT BUSINESS? (RILEY START TO KISS ZABOO)
CODEX: UH… THAT’S MY BED!
RILEY: SO, WATCH OR LEAVE!
ZABOO: WE ACTUALLY LOST TINK, SO WE’RE DOWN A PLAYER, AND…
RILEY: YOU ARE? WANT ME TO PLAY WITH YOU, STALLION?
CODEX TO THE COMPUTER:OK, THAT SOUNDS GREAT, MR. WIGGLY! WELCOME TO THE KNIGHTS OF GOOD! (LOOKING AT RILEY)

SORRY, WE JUST… FILLED THE SPACE.
RILEY LOOKS AT CODEX AND LETS GO OF ZABOO.
ZABOO: AWK… WARD!
end of 5th episode

…when it was new.

I can totally relate.

Things have changed a lot.